This is my first blog/post. I'm new to this group. I'm not American, but I hope to heal by taking my first step and here I am. I'm not sure how this works, or will work, but I do have a goal - I hope to start a Facebook group to support the people in my area so I'm hoping to learn a thing or two from Adoption.com. Here's my story - in brief - because we can all write a book about our own lives, so. I was adopted when I was a baby. I was raised by a beautiful family, I was only told I was adopted when I was 18. When I was told so, it wasn't under any normal circumstances. I was told I was adopted when I was pregnant with my firstborn - I was assaulted by my boyfriend and he knocked me up - and left me to rot. I decided to put my daughter up for adoption because I couldn't give her anything good, let alone a home. This was in 2001. Fast forward to 2017, she was told that she was adopted. And then she found me. It was a closed adoption, but she found me, her parents found me, for her. Our story isn't unique, but it can be empowering to some. There are so many emotional and mental rollercoasters that we've both went through. It's too difficult to write them all unless I decide to be a hermit and start writing a book about it to help people like me, like her. I was wondering if anyone could advise me what do I need to do if I were to start a local association or a help group of any sort to bring together people like me or the wonderful parents who've adopted my daughter, together. Often times, we feel trapped because we have no one but online strangers to talk to. But I hope to change that in my community, or even country. I want to help. Thank you for listening.

I am an explorer. As an adoptee, I have explored the depths of my soul to find a meaning to the earliest parts of my history. I have ventured out, and within, to seek unknown parts of myself. I have tracked many a mile to uncover my identity and to dismantle the titles given to me by others. Titles that did not serve me in a positive life outcome. I believe that all adoptees are explorers. In some way, we are all searching, seeking, and looking for answers to who we are and why we’re here. We’re trackers of truth. At some moment in our lives, a severing took place that catapulted us into a situation we had no control over. Free falling — or so it seemed — we landed into lives that we were not born of, but were destined for. Earlier worlds unravel and somewhere in our distant minds, our first families are kept as a memory. Reunion, or the thought of reunification, gets stored in a mental file called fantasy. A place where we probe the “what if” of someday reconnecting with birth family. Sometimes, fantasy becomes reality and we find ourselves face-to-face with that unraveled world. A world that — on some level — unnerves us and, at the same time, delights our senses. Might someone, connected to us by DNA, offer us the gift of coloring in all those pieces of ourselves left blank? Could members of our birth family fill in the holes within us left hollow by abandonment? Secretly, we hope so. And, quietly, we pray. I did. I prayed, and I hoped. For years, I wanted someone to help me understand the mystery of my story — a mystery that held me distant from myself. Therefore, I put much stock into the idea of a reunion as a vehicle to aide me in arriving at my truth. And, so I wrote a letter while in my teens. It was addressed to my birthmother in England. I did not have her physical address — only her name. I sent the letter to the main office of the Royal Air Force, where I knew that my mum’s husband once served. The letter began something like this: If you have opened this envelope, I want to say thank you. If you are reading my words, I want you to promise not to throw this letter away. You see, I need an angel right now… I went on to briefly explain my situation and the story of my earliest life. I wrote how desperately I needed to find my birthmother in order to reunite and, as was my prayer, to heal what had been broken inside. Read more: http://michellemadridbranch.com/reuniting-worlds-one-adoptees-thoughts-on-birth-family-reunification/ [img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2018/02/49a3eb61bc69e5de238f5f965e9e11bc_view.jpg[/img]

We are Mara & James from NY and we are hoping to grow our family 1 more time through adoption. Our family includes a stay at home mom, a devoted hard working dad and two 5 year olds who are hoping for a baby brother or sister. We are hoping to meet an expectant mom looking to make an adoption plan through our own connections and networking and appreciate everyone's help in liking and sharing our posts. jamesandmara2adopt@gmail.com www.jamesandmara2adopt.wordpress.com facebook.com/wehope2adopt call us toll free: 844-279-6652 https://mybabysfamily.com/JamesandMara

Some of you may already know that we are adopting our first child here in Zambia. I have had so many people asking questions about the process, and time just seems to be whizzing by (most days!) as things are moving rather quickly in these initial stages. I decided to share where we are at, for our own memories sake, to keep friends and family updated, but also to encourage anyone out there who is on a similar journey. I am a reader, and so I have loved reading of other peoples experiences, and seeing what God is doing in peoples lives through adoption. We started our adoption process in April 2020, as in, we made the decision to find out what our options were. We had hit a few bumps along the road on having biological children, and whilst we have a solution, and we can have biological kids, I just felt God pointing us to adoption. It is so important to me that people understand that adoption is not a plan B, it is not second best, it is not a last resort. It is our first choice. [img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2020/11/f93ffb92cd5a21ced1af21a9d5497089_view.png[/img] We got in touch with the social workers at House of Moses mid April, as they were the orphanage in Lusaka that friends of ours used. Zambia is different in that they do not use agencies here, you work directly with government social workers and orphanages. They confirmed that as expats we could adopt, which was a huge relief! We were given a list of documents we needed to get together along with a letter to addressed to social welfare explaining why we want to adopt and our request (age, gender, health). Please remember, this is our experience of adoption in Zambia, and every case might not look the same and the systems may change. Documents we needed to submit: NRC Bank statement/payslip Reference letters Police clearance Marriage certificate Medical report (only at government hospital) Early May, we then had our interview (also referred to as a home study/home assessment), with our social worker at House of Moses. Because we live outside of Lusaka, they did this on Zoom. It was about two hours long, very intensive! Which was really encouraging at how thorough they are. It was such a comfort to me that they are Christian, and were also so sensitive towards us as we had to share some difficult information from our pasts. It is not often you find yourself telling someone your entire history from birth! We still had to get our police clearance and medical report done, this was delayed purely from our own schedules as well as Covid. But we eventually got it done and we could then have our next visit. On the 10th June our social worker, Elizabeth Mzeche, here in Mazabuka came to our house to do the home visit and go through all our paperwork and application. We had a couple of changes to make and then our application was delivered to Lusaka on the 21st June. We had initially been told it could take anything between 2-4 weeks, but that there might be delays to Covid. Catch phrase of 2020! Naturally, as soon as we hit the end of 4 weeks I got in contact to see if there was any news, which there was none. Our social workers have been so kind and gracious towards me, with all my questions, and I am so grateful for Gods presence in all this. Then, completely out of the blue, on the 6th August, I received a message from Elizabeth asking if I had received my copy of the approval letter as she had just received hers. I could not believe it, so unexpected, but what was just miraculous, was the letter was dated 24th June, which means our application was processed and approved in less than 3 days?! That is a miracle, nothing happens that quickly, ever? So it was either waiting to be printed, to be taken to a different desk, to be taken to be signed, and then sent out for delivery, and or floated about somewhere in the postal system. Who knows where the delay was, but quite frankly, I am so thankful to God for the miracle! Our name has been added to the list of families wanting to adopt, and now, we wait to be matched to a baby. Our request was a boy or girl, under 12 months of age, as young as possible! They work with the Child Protection Unit to do family tracing on the child, then once that is done, a police clearance report is written to clear the child for adoption. So that will all take time. Hopefully, in the not to distant future, we will get the call to say we can go meet our child! We then have to spend some time with the child at the orphanage to go through a bonding/attachment period. Once that is done, then we get to take our baby home on a 3 month fostering agreement. Once that is done, then we do the adoption paperwork. It is all quite a process! I had a bit of a wobble around the time of our application being submitted, there were just so many unknowns and not knowing if I would be holding a baby in 2 months or 12 months or more was freaking me out. But I realised that I could ruin this season by allowing myself to be consumed with mistrust, impatience, doubt, fear, ingratitude, and even what was probably pride and selfishness. I didn’t want to look back on this season of my life and see how I had missed the happiness because I was being so self focussed. So I gave it all to God, and He provided me with such a peace and patience which I am so grateful for. This is a journey, and there have been and will be tough days, but I am keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus in this. Also, I am enjoying our time without kids. I am in a season now where I am looking forward to a bit of chaos in our lives, and even the sleepless nights and endless nappies. I know that it won’t be long before I will find myself wondering what it is like to have time all to ourselves and what on earth were we thinking having kids. But, I also know, having seen it in so many women, that there will will come a time, as our baby grows up, that I will miss the season of chaos. Every season has it’s mix of chaos and bliss. So we are enjoying our time, where we are at now, and I am reading and doing the odd bit of shopping … We would love you to pray with us on this journey. For our hearts, for our marriage, for our baby, for the birth parents, for their salvation and healing, for our social workers. The proverb, “It takes a village to raise a child” could not be more true. [img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2020/11/05d076c4e9f65a735c21f614113dc58d_view.png[/img] If you have questions about adoption, please do ask me, or someone, or Google. Adoption has never been a foreign concept to us, but I appreciate that for many people this is not the case, and there are questions. But don’t leave those questions unasked, not just for your sake, but for everyone’s. x A common, often unasked, question: “How will you love a child that is not your ‘own’?” They are my own, they just didn’t come from my body. I will love them the same way I love my husband, who is also not a blood relative. By choosing to, every day, for the rest of our lives.

Am Cynthia 24 of Age willingly to be adopted by Family outside Nigeria here's my email address : cynthiaokonkwo63@gmail.com Please 🙏

Looking for childrens grandparents for medical reasons. Don't need organs or anything like that. Mark Jeffery was told at birth was named Jeffery Mark born 9/11/1959.in Hennepin Co. MN. Mark is currently in the hospital and would like to find birth motheror and father please if you know anything to let me know. thank you

I have an appointment with our GAL, who we have chosen to be our attorney for our adoption. He was the reason things progressed when it came down to it CPS's legal team is ummmm pathetic, so anyway I am excited to get everything done and finalized. Things have been challenging since baby girl left. I have had a rough time with missing her. It through me into a depression. So I got my heart fixed and all excited to be "normal" then all of the sudden in follow up appointments my blood preasure that has always been fine was through the roof and I began to have major health issues that Dr's couldn't figure out, all asked me "any chance you could be pregnant?" To which I laughed and said "no". I had what I thought was the worst period of my life, I nearly passed out from the blood loss and was anemic for several weeks, yes, thats right it was a miscarriage and I didn't even know I was pregnant, i felt like an idiot for not knowing and then wondering if I was to blame, but after finding out that i was pregnant I was told absolutely no giving birth for me, honestly for whatever reason I already knew this a long time ago and accepted it. I mean I did have moments of sadness. But I have 3 beautiful children, and two children at the time I found out originally and accepted no more giving birth, adoption is not a 2nd choice just another way for us, not a biggie. I was sick through both pregnancies and it was hard and I did not "miss" the pregnancy part of finding my Eli, however, loosing Maya... Its been a killer. I can't do it again and so I thought okay this is a sign, I really feel we have one more baby coming to our family, this means I will just give birth. Then my inlaws were idiots, so not worth repeating. It was just a crappy month. I don't know if I am capable of going down that adoption road again. Emotionally draining. So for our family are taking a step back and just loving our kiddoes. I'm taking care of my needs and healing from these wounds. I wish I had more time. but Kids are needing their mom. :

Note: This is not directed to anyone here. I just have to write to get this off my chest. Thanks! Carolyn How can you tell me how to grieve and what is correct etiquette and incorrect etiquette on grief and death? Hmmm, who have you lost in your life? Right, NO ONE!!!! Screw you!!! You still have both of your parents, you have never lost a spouse. Yes, maybe an aunt or uncle, friend or grandparent, but you still have your parents, your children still have their father. No, you have no concept of what I have lost and you never will. You don't know what it is like to lose your father, only to come back from the funeral and not even a week later have your husband go in the hospital and never come home again. And while your husband may die one day befoer you (who knows, you may go first), your children are raised, you will never know the fear of raising them alone and trying to figure out how to fix their world, because even though I just lost my father, I was 33, they were just children. You will never know what it is like to have both of your parents gone by the time you are 42. I know that there are those who lost their parents much earlier than me. I don't pretend to know what they are going through. At least my father walked me down the aisle, my mother got to see all her grandbabies. I cannot comprehend their loss, so why do you think you can understand mine and then to tell me I am right or wrong or am doing this incorrectly? Then I love that you have no idea about adoption on top of it all. Oh, you've read this and read that and you know all the answers. I love Diane and she is my first mom, who I love with all my heart, but you don't just go *poof* and magically all the years of history are there and she is your mother. She holds her very special place in my heart and in my life, but mom is my mom, as Diane is her children's mom. While we have a bond, I think we understand that there are differences in the relationship and I think we understand this. (which is really all that matters-what WE understand) I love her, she is one of my moms, they each played special and important roles in my life, but people like you, who are not involved in adoption, say stupid things like, "Well, at least you still have your REAL mom." My mom was my real mom. You just don't get it on any level, do you? So until you have lost all that I have lost, (this doesn't include my miscarriage and my best friend who was murdered by her boyfriend while I was on the phone with her in high school.) don't pretend to have any idea of what I am going through and the audacity to let me know that I should be feeling this way or that. Talk to me when both of your parents and your husband are dead, okay!!!! *Again, this is not to anyone who comes here. The person I am referring to does not even know this site exists, so if you take offense or think I am speaking to you, I am not. I just needed a safe place to vent where I know they will never find it.* Carolyn

I have some ideas for E's adoption party. DH wants to rent one of those bouncy houses and seeing as how its not likely to still be warm enough for an outdoor party we will most likely do it at our church or rent out a hall big enough. I plan on a big cake w/ E's picture and full name (his new last name!). Some simple but yummy finger foods. Drink?? Since we don't drink alcohol thinking an ice tub full of juice/soda/water or some kind of punch, haven't decided yet. I also think we should rent a popcorn machine and a cotton candy machine??? Not sure\...because that would seem very carnival like...but I do want it to be fun and for the kids with it being enjoyable for adults, okay maybe we will nix that sticky messy idea. I plan on inviting everyone from Social services that has touched our lives. I don't think they get a lot of positives and I think that despite our differences with some workers, (umm Maya's worker and supervisor) it would be a nice gesture. I don't know if people expect to give presents at an adoption party but I don't care. I plan on putting on invitation "In lieu of a gift please make donation in honor of "E" to "charity" of our choice. We were nominated for "family of the year" by somebody who I guess doesn't know us well, sponsored by the charity I would like to donate to. They support nurturing and helping families in our community to prevent foster care. They honored all families nominated with a dinner, it was wonderful and as I had visits with Maya at this community center before her mom went threatening and violent at one visit and they had to be moved to the county building, I have really good feelings towards them. I really liked their SW's and their mission. I don't really want gifts nor does E need any gifts. I plan on getting a name plaque designed by a local artist with a quote on it for his room-any ideas for a good quote??? I will display that. I also plan on scheduling a professional family photo shoot and displaying our family portrait. The one thing that I am on the fence about is if we should somehow honor the SW who placed E with us, she's the only reason we ever did end up adopting through foster care in the first place, and the person who basically gave E to us. She commited suicide last year after a co-worker commited suicide. She was the best worker we had in our 3 years and several children/workers later. She has 2 daughters (grown) who I would like to invite. I'm just wondering if we should switch donation in her name and honor her??? Or is that too much? I don't know. Dh will most likely have his 2 cents if he ever comes home from the mountains. I would like to make a life book for E and display that, not the private info. more along the lines of a scrapbook. The only thing that bugs me is I Keep asking his first foster family for baby pictures, she keeps putting me off. I don't have a single baby picture of him!!! I suppose I can start it at 11 months. But for the future, for E I need some of his baby pictures. I'm going to hunt down some of his relatives if I have to (after adoption), I know they have pictures of him as a baby to 3 months old. Thats what I have so far. Open to comments.

How quickly I forgot what it is like when someone close to you dies. The people you always thought would be there for you are unable to be found, while complete strangers offer up compassion and caring. I am at a loss and feel completely alone. I don't know why it is hard to be here for me, I don't talk about her non-stop. It is actually something I talk very little of. Maybe a "I really miss her", and a few times I get choked up a little, but really, just knowing someone is with you is really all that is needed. I think that many times people think they have to say or do the right thing. They are so scared of the subject, they stay away all together instead. Sometimes it is just the quiet coming along side, knowing they are just "there" (physically or emotionally) is all that is needed. We don't need to talk about it, we just need to know you are there. It is amazing how many people you lose, other than the one you physically lost, when someone dies. Sometimes that is even a harder loss. The one who died can't help it. Carolyn

WOW!! What else can I say! I love those guys!!! I guess I should say girls! I love all my kids, but my older ones who are "real" people in their own right now, are pretty flipping amazing. Carolyn

We have a date set for Monday to sign paperwork at our attorney's office. He will then petition the courts for an adoption date. I am told there should be no reason we cannot finalize November 15th!!! YES, doin the happy dance...been doing it all day long! I will really be dancing when I get an official letter in the mail w/ our court date. I also got a call from our SW at the adoption agency we will be using. She is very excited about our movement towards finalization. She wants our homestudy prior to our finalization because she wants to start working on matching us right away.....oh I like this lady! We also talked about how we have our hearts set on a baby girl. Asked her if that was wrong/strange to choose a gender and she said it was very common specifically with this agency as they only place already born TPR'd infants which means for (NY) the babies are at least 6 weeks old at time of placement. CC also does this, does not place infants at birth because of the 4 week waiting period. Then you add in the 2 weeks to process paperwork, find a family...all of that and baby will be at least 6 weeks old by the time we get to meet her for the first time. I don't feel her as much as I have which makes me think she was born or will be born soon. I could be being silly :) wouldn't be the first time. I've been nesting like crazy which is somewhat instinctive for me, I know I"m not pregnant....but I did this with E and before I would get calls for foster baby's. I'm somewhat intuitive about things, my mom is that way, I have been since HS about certain things. Try to go by my intuition and feelings are pointing that baby girl has been or will be born very very soon. I feel in my heart we won't wait long for our baby girl after November 15th. I just hope we are ready for her! BTW E was amazing at OT today. I feel he had an off week due to my mom being here, parties, and not enough sleep. He's been an angel 2 year old entire week :). C had horse lessons and the trainer told E that if he "listened to mommy" that he could go for a little ride at the end. He was very well behaved. He played with the barn dog, got very dirty, jumped on the rubber stuff in the barn, found horse trunks and asked me what color they were, and finally kicked up some dust on the indoor arena, not good for his asthma so we went outside and C came outside to ride around the outdoor arena. It was such a beautiful day and this stable is picturesque, wonderful wonderful day. We sat in the grass and watched C ride. Oh C is beautiful on a horse. She has long legs and sits so tall and graceful. She really got the rhythm of how to post for the first time today. And E got to ride. He was beside himself with pride and joy, he does this thing when he is overjoyed about something, he tries very very hard NOT to smile, it ends up with this proud/smirk look on his face, its priceless. He had C's helmet on and rode around the entire (HUGE) indoor arena. He got off, would not take the giant helmet off. He looked like a bug head. He then wore it all the way to his friends house for playdate. I think I have a 2nd horse rider. He loved every second. We said "hi" to all the horses and are getting to know some of their personalities. It will be sad when winter hits :(. They do have a "heated" barn but that doesn't mean its cozy in the middle of upstate NY winter. I've decided E is going to have a good winter and that his asthma will be in control! So far so good. We have an appointment with his pulmanologist on Monday and I think he is going to keep him on the low dose of meds he is on now. Last year this very same time he was wheezing, junky, awful breathing that was totally out of control. This year after one year of very good treatment has totally turned around. He does need medication but its very much under control and (music) NOOO NEB treatments! Its all w/ his puffer and allergy pill. So no more steroid psycosis. I have my adoption physical scheduled for Friday morning. One last TB test, and they get to tell me I'm fat and need to loose weight :( but otherwise healthy, joy of joys. J (dh) has his scheduled the end of October, earliest he could get in w/ his crazy schedule. That is it, we are DONE! November 15th we will be "on the books" and who knows we may just have an early Christmas present??? No matter when she comes, it will work out just as it should :). L

And it ain't getting any easier. I love showing her pictures to my friends, they hate it. It makes everyone cry to mention her, so I don't. And I still sleep with her blanket (can't sleep without) Miss her voice the most today. Wish I could of give her a bath just once! Mad at myself for not being firmer on my time with her before the adoption. I wanted more time with her, they regulated the amount each day. Afterward I learn she was still my baby then, I had the right. Oh well, I think I'm in the grief/angry stage of the process. I keep self evaluating myself in hopes I make progress I can see. I can celebrate her 7 month birthday in 2 days, by myself again. I won't bake a cake this time (that was just because the 6 month is special) but I do get so excited and proud of her that day(especially that day, I mean) The night of her b-day is the pits though. I just feel like Im missing out on so much! I am, but it's not about me anymore. It never could be about me again. I tried that one day and it' didn't feel right. I guess that's what being a mom is about. Dang, I love that girl!

Hello, Everyone. Before my father married my mother, apparently he fathered a son who was born in Baltimore, Maryland in October or November 1958. I would like to try to locate this person. He has six half-brothers and sisters who would like to meet with him. Thanks.

I've recently more been connected with my maternal uncle. I have 2 older half-sisters, 4 uncles, 2 aunts and a bunch of cousins. Looking forward to learning more.

I love coming to this place in the last 9 or so years it has been my retreat ....... what I have learned has overwhelmbed me at times. The friends I have made makes me feel like I belong someplace ..... I thank you Chickie Donna Mar........ MN you helped me grow them BALLS /.........Dkm you showed me life can be normal having all your kids live in the same house. I know I can be so harsh about adoption sometimes and I dont mean to be. But I think that all parts of the triad need to remember that they are a part of something else weather by choice or by chance...

I know that it was a closed adoption but do you? I worry that your adopting parents were not honest; or maybe, you know that you are adopted and don't care to know... I don't know, but I do know that one day I will finally see you. Between me and Glen (your little brother) you have 4 nieces and 2 nephews. My big sister, I love the way that sounds. Not only does our mother have an emptiness but I do as well. I have always imagined you to be as beautiful as our mother and I know that if I ever do see you, I will be able to pick you out from a crowd. I imagine that you have dark deep brown eyes and dark hair with olive complextion and I imagine you to look just like our mother. I just want you to know that our mom was very young and I believe that she made the best decision for you and for herself, I know that she wanted you to have a good life. A life that she could not offer you at the age of 15. Maybe i am speaking on be-half of our mother...... but, we just want to know if your life turned out to be okay.... and want to know if you are okay.... and want you to know that we love you and searching for you everday and never will stop.... I hope you understand and I hope that you Know that I Love You.... Love Always-Your Sister, Heidi Harris Searching:april 15 1975..Female.. Lakeland,Florida.. Bm-Stebbins

Feeling apprehensive about application and credit application for ANLC's services. I need more information and research. My anal side is kicking in... but I am apprehensive too. I don't want to be sad and disappointed again...

This past week, I attended a course about post adoption depression. The symptoms can be easily compared with post partum depression. This type of depression has not been fully explored. Post adoption depression has long existed without being mentioned outside of the immediate circles of discussion which mostly happened behind closed doors. It can be asked if depression is generational. Although there is no doubt that depression can extend through family branches there are unanswered questions about post adoption depression. Adoption dates are forgotten over time. The memories surrounding adoption that were once part of daily lives eventually fade. What genetic footprints are carried through generations in the form of emotions is a question that is not answered. Those who were once part of an adopton triangle all spent time looking at the same scene from different views. The birth mother loved the season that brought falling leaves across the landscape. Walking through a shaker scene of colors, she felt alone in her recent memories which included parting with her newly born child. The adoptive mother walked along a road filled with gravel, weeds and wildflowers. The baby was with her resting quietly in a carrier. Their paths did not intertwine but were not far from one another.

Well, I guess my parents are okay with me searching for My Biological parents. Mom tells me what she remembers. It has been almost 42 years. She told me again today what she could remember. I do wonder how my life would be different if I had not been adopted. But, I have no complaints. I have a loving, supportive, family that has always been there for me. So I consider myself lucky to have been adopted.